I dare not call this finale as I am sure much more debate will ensue..but I’ll do it anyway.
Over the course of the past three months, there have been over a hundred astute comments registered on the nickname for the USMNT on TSG’s two columns on the subject. One sentiment is nearly unanimous among these: That the monikers of “Yanks,” “Stars & Stripes” and certainly “Natties” are not answering the bell.
Here’s our promise on this series: TSG will keep voting open for one month through January 10th. Feel free to vote daily, but no more kindly.
Once the winner is decided, we will thoroughly research and present a stirring and research-laden brief with an alternative team name to the United States Soccer Federation.
We will hand deliver it to Soccer House in Chicago via a guarded and heavily armed courier replete with sunglasses, black suit, solid black tie and steel tip wingtips. Or maybe we’ll save the “postage” and just electronically email a brief since our suggestion will be public on our site.
Either way, we will continually update our audience on any reception it receives. (Hopefully this will coincide with a Sunil interview we are working on as well.)
So let’s get down to it!
As we remember from our last piece, the semi-finalists that got a deeper look at TSG were:
- The Buffalo (courtesy of Jared)
- The Freedom Fighters (courtesy of Free Beer Movement)
- The Militia (courtesy of Mark from TSG)
- The Outlaws (courtesy of Dylan)
- The Rattlesnakes/Rattlers (courtesy of Matt from TSG)
- The Revolutionaries (courtesy of Jared)
- The Rough Riders (courtesy of “Tuesday”)
- The Sons of Liberty (courtesy of Andrew)
And we won’t make you wait like an episode of “Lost.” Among the potential substitutes above only the Revolutionaries were on the bubble and almost made it as we crunched the numbers. (Our secret sauce cannot…will not be shared).
The three TSG finalists are, in alphabetical order are:
They roam the great plains. They are dreadlock rastas, lyrically speaking. They have Terrell Owens.
Finalist numero uno: Buffalo/Bison
They’ve got a great emblem. They connote the American Revolution. They’re the toy of a child.
Finalist number two: Rattlers/Rattlesnakes
They are seditious rebels. They hate tea. Their flag is shared by candy canes.
Finalist number three: Sons of Liberty
The Final Tale of the Tape:
(TSG will not bias you with our 2 cents, or more appropriately 1.5 cents this time…that’s all you in the vote.)
Summary: Straight out of the ‘pedia: The American Bison (Bison bison–what does that mean?) is a North American species of bison, also commonly known as the American Buffalo. “Buffalo” is somewhat of a misnomer for this animal, as it is only distantly related to either of the two “true buffaloes”, the Asian Water Buffalo and the African Buffalo. However, “bison” is a Greek word meaning ox-like animal, while “buffalo” originated with the French fur trappers who called these massive beasts boeufs, meaning ox or bullock.
Isn’t that just a face and animal you love?
From TSG reader Jarrod: “You could use the Buffalo as I think they are indigenous only to the US (and Canada). Buffalo Brigade, Buffalo Militia etc.”
From Mark at TSG: “Pro – Good analogy to Connor Casey’s “break-away” speed…we’d also have an official food (buffalo wings).”
From TSG reader Michael: “I actually kind of like the Buffalo/Bison connection…brings along some nice western imagery. It’s probably best to stay away from the more military nicknames, lest that become the primary focus.”
From TSG’er Hercules: “Buffalo Spinoff: Thundering/Rampaging unstoppable on offense, solid, unmovable on defense. Sounds like a nice plan.”
Dreadlock rasta is Jamaican, no…mon? Ain’t no Buffalo soldiers here.
The American Bison is native only to the United Sta….wait a minute, the ‘pedia says Canada too? Not so positive….
Buffalo while strong and team-oriented animals do not connote, uh, “counterattack,” or Landon Donovan’s profile.
Since the USMNT plays in the CONCACAF, most games are in warm climates. Try wearing a thick, burly buffalo outfit/costume in Mexico City–not to mention how mangy it will become after beer is spilled all over it. Yeah, it’s a good chance you’re not making it back through customs with that smelly carcass.
From TSG reader Andrew: “I think there are many more animals indigenous to North America that are more threatening than the Buffalo. I’ve seen the Buffalo in Golden Gate park. They illicit feelings of sympathy, I don’t want to beat Mexico in a soccer match after seeing them.”
Possible confusion that the nickname refers to Toronto Jr. in upstate NY, home of the barrel dropping waterfalls (and to four losing Super Bowl teams during my childhood.)
From Mark at TSG: “Con – Were just about slaughtered to extinction…now raised to be slaughtered for meat.”
Promoter: Matthew from TSG
Summary: We’ve already got the emblem and the slogan. Beyond that, the species is indigenous to the United States and the snake was a major symbol of the American Revolution.
Unlike the Buffalo–and no disrespect to the Great Plain’s beast–rattlesnakes are capable of quick counterattacks.
We’ve got the whole Don’t Tread on Me thing and the Deuce video.
A quote from Ben Franklin via TSG contributor Brad: “I recollected that her eye excelled in brightness, that of any other animal, and that she has no eye-lids—She may therefore be esteemed an emblem of vigilance.—She never begins an attack, nor, when once engaged, ever surrenders: She is therefore an emblem of magnanimity and true courage.”
Pro – We may get back those sweet DTOM jerseys (note, I got outbid for one recently on ebay and was devastated)
You have a defunct Arena football team with the name “Rattlers” — in other words, the names been tarnished a bit.
Um, not good according to TSG reader Kaya: “I think “The Rattlesnakes” sounds like an 8-9 yo boys’ team name. I eventually got used to a team called The Mighty Ducks, so I could get used to The Rattlesnakes, but it took me a while.”
Or TSG reader Andy: “How has nobody mentioned yet that a “rattler” is a baby’s toy? The stereotypical baby has about three things: 1. A diaper 2. A bonnet and 3. A rattler! Can we please say no to Rattlers.”
From TSG’s Mark: “Con – Annoying hissing sound that could become standard during games.”
From TSG Contributor Andrew: “And I’m sorry, but there is absolutely, 3,000% no way I am buying a jersey with snakeskin print on it. I just don’t have the boots to match.”
Summary: The Sons of Liberty was a secret organization of American patriots which originated in the 13 colonies during the American Revolution. British authorities and their supporters, known as Loyalists, considered the Sons of Liberty as seditious, referring to them as “Sons of Violence” and “Sons of Iniquity.” Patriots attacked the apparatus and symbols of British authority, including Wayne Rooney and John Terry (just seeing if you are paying attention).
Well, it’s got the word, “Sons” in it. So we know we’re not referring to Mia Hamm or Abby Wambach.
References the American Revolution and patriotism — bueno! I mean good.
The “Join or Die” symbol is great and also invokes a snake. Two graphics that can be but on shirts, mugs, thongs, etc.
The Sons of Liberty quote “attacked the symbols of authority and power” — that belongs on a banner in the American Outlaws fan section.
Has a pretty decent sub-nickname of “Liberty Boys” — that’s pretty darn good. When they play at a stadium near you, then you could say you are going to watch the “Liberty Boys in the Hood.” (That joke is still bad.)
Played a major part in the Boston Tea Party following the lead of Sam Adams. So let me get this straight, they destroyed tea in favor of beer. Uh, check.
From TSG contributor pckilgore: “”GOOOOOLLLL Looooos hijooooos de libertaaaaaaaaad’” would just sound cool coming out of any Spanish speaking announcer.”
The “Sons of Liberty” true flag, alternating vertical stripes of red & white is nothing to wear or fly in prideful way. Ain’t no way we’re being called the Candy Canes, Pinstripers, or Sunderland F.C. Jr. (TSG put the other commonly used symbol for the Sons of Liberty at the lead of this section.)
From TSG contributor Kaya: “Sons of Liberty is just too long.”
Now, it’s your turn to make the ultimate comment.