This is a guest post by Dan Wiersema of the Free Beer Movement, check it out.
The Free Beer Movement is back! This is our last drink guide for the World Cup–we’re just too nervous!–so hopefully we’ll break through all of your extremely lowered expectations to provide some decent alcoholic liquid refreshments as your gnash your teeth and tear the wood off the bar through the US- Algeria game on Wednesday morning.
You’ll have to forgive us for our last drink recommendations for the US-Slovenia match. We gave you all sorts of great suggestions to whet your whistle during the game, but we neglected to mention what dedicated American soccer fans should have drunk in one situation (we blame Matthew for cutting our article length… it was in there in the first draft).
Hopefully it’s not too late to go back and look at one situation and corresponding drink that was left on the editing room floor.
Situation: Our boys go two down at half, Landon Donovan burns the face of goalkeeper, the coach’s son snags a desperate equalizer, and then Maurice Edu’s game-winner is negated by a massively bad call by an over-matched ref.
FBM RECOMMENDS: Samuel Adams “Boston” Lager (Massachusetts). A fine brew to sip on during those exciting times.
On to the next one.
Pre-Game: At this point the Free Beer Movement has resorted to not even taking off their US jersey in between matches. We’re wearing the beer that covered us from the celebration that ensued after Edu’s stricken goal as “stains-of-honor-and-suffering” to carry into this next battle.
FBM RECOMMENDATION: The US is clearly going to need to come out of the gate strong this match and so are we. Try Russian River Brewing’s “Pliny the Elder” Double India Pale Ale (California), not only for its 8.0% ABV, but because it’s named after a real guy named Pliny who first named the hops plant “Lupus salictarius,” which means “wolf amongst scrubs”. Words that we hope have meaning for today.
National Anthem: Put your hand on the shoulder of your nearest neighbor and encourage them to do the same to theirs. “Shoulder Holds Across America”!
FBM RECOMMENDS: Silence as you attempt to not break the gaze of each US player as the camera pans across them. Oh no! Here comes Coach Sweatpants! Hold it. Hold it. Damn! He won again! Those steely blue eyes and high cheek bones!
Twenty-Five Minutes In and We Haven’t Conceded the Early Goal: Alright everyone we can breathe a little bit easier now. No slashing offensive runs or long-run dipping blasts. We’ve weathered the worst.
FBM RECOMMENDS: Tear your finger nails out of the bar’s wood and trade one pale (face) for another; a “Fresh Hop” Pale Ale from Great Divide Brewing Company (Colorado).
A “JOLAZO” from Mr. Jozy Altidore: Finally the American wunder-kid gets on the big scoreboard. And what a strike!
FBM RECOMMENDS: From one bomb to another we say take hold of Southern Star’s “Bombshell” Blonde Ale (Texas).
A Foolish Card by Someone, Anyone: Well, because, frankly it hasn’t happened yet and that’s just un-American.
FBM RECOMMENDS: Stupid decisions all around for players and fans alike. Beer? Yeah I’ll have another one. Nah, whatever you’re drinking. (Waits.) Hey, thanks for the beer. Bud Light (Missouri)? Really? Alright. It WAS free.
Maurice Edu Gets the Goal He’s Had Coming: You can’t keep this guy out of the goal mouth. The Rangers mid-man bags the tally one-person-who-shall-remain-nameless (and job-less from here on out) had denied him a game earlier.
FBM RECOMMENDS: It was a rocket. You saw the red in his eyes. This leads to a bad transition…. Bear Republic Brewing Co.’s “Red Rocket” Amber Ale (California).
Gomez Kills off the Desert Foxes: Hercules deals a knock-out blow that his MMA brother would be jealous of.
FBM RECOMMENDS: You know what the desert hates? Refreshment. You know what’s refreshing? Smuttynose “Summer” Weizen. Ahhhhhh! Crisp!
DaMarcus Beasley Makes a Cameo: Party like its 2002! Run DMB has arrived to take some late game Cobi Jones-like bashing from the Algerians.
FBM RECOMMENDS: Lagunitas “Undercover Investigation Shutdown” Strong Ale (California) is the beer to have as Beas is going to need all the strength in the world shutdown the hacks and to hold the ball up near the corner flag. Just don’t get head-butted!
Victory! All hail Coach Bob Bradley for a great game plan. We’re on to the knockout rounds thanks to a solid showing by the sweatpants-ed one.
FBM RECOMMENDS: What better way to salute a dear leader (not that one… ours) than with another hefty beer honoring a leader, Avery Brewing’s “The Czar” Russian Imperial Stout (Colorado).