Jay DeMerit’s Face Says It All

A man is who is facial hair is.... (Rollie Fingers, 1985)

A lot of press around the Jay DeMerit story and rightfully so. It’s a beautiful tale as a Wisconsin soccer god and good guy grabs his knapsack and heads to Europe in search of a “football” career on the very island that birthed the game.

But there is another tale here; one that often goes untold. That of a companion, a lover, and a fighter who bristles at the cold.

That of a stubbily sidekick who’s been there–through thick and thin, literally–by Jay’s side, er, face rather. His name is…well you’ll learn that below.

These are the golden days for Jay’s sidekick. He is often quoted on Twitter and he’s showing up in pictures left and right. Dos Equis wants to feature him in their advertising. Inter Milan is rumored to be making a $35M transfer bid just for the mustache annex.

People are clearly talking, but he’s not letting it go to his roots.

TSG was lucky enough to gain perhaps the biggest exclusive since, since….Tiger Woods? Easily. This one involves the slight fear of a razor, not a four-iron.

Jay DeMerit’s Beard….it’s your show:

TSG: First of all, there are rumors floating around all over the Internet, from salon message boards to straight-razor secret societies. How old are you?

The Beard: First of all, thanks for giving me a chance to be my own beard self. Its tough livin’, with this guy taking the spotlight all the time.

As of today, I am exactly 30 days old. So in beard years, thats like four.

Chopper: If I could, I'd piss excellence

TSG: What sort of impact have you had on Jay’s life? Is it more than a warming effect?

The Beard: I believe Jay’s been opened up a whole new world thru me, Chopper (Jay: That’s what I call him sometimes).

I was around for a bit during the Packers Superbowl run, so technically I just bring nothing but victory, which I know Jay likes. I actually coined the whole “winning” thing before that Chaz Sheen fella.

TSG:  So let’s be honest here, do you understand half the sh*t that comes out of Jay’s mouth?

Chopper: Jay likes to think he’s all witty and funny, which I agree with. But I don’t particularly like it when he spits all over me while yelling during his games.

TSG: Okay, do you understand half the sh*t that goes into Jay’s mouth? And be professionally groomed here, there are kids reading.

Chopper: As for what he puts in it? Well, he is a well-trained athlete so he uses only premium fuels such as salads, fruits, fish and carbs. On the weekends though, watch out, you never know what he’s gonna be putting down there cuz Jay’s crazy and likes to have a good time.

Jay DeMerit

Chopper: I wish I could have been there for you that day. I just wasn't mature enough yet to stand up, united, for you. A piece of me....died, died that day.

TSG: So the relationship you have with Jay, is it more like Mork & Mindy, Laurel & Hardy, Robbie Rogers & Sacha Kljestan or Bob Bradley & Sunil Gulati?

Chopper: I like to think we get along well. Though we are different, we have a respect for each other and our mutual goal. Kind of like a Starsky and Hutch. And we even have the car…

Great duos in time: PB&J, Wapner & Rusty, Ponche & John, and Jay & Chopper doing their best Starsky & Hutch...

TSG: Name some of the beards or follicle colonies that you’ve idolized throughout history?

Chopper:  Being from the great woods of Wisconsin, I have an affinity for woodsmen such as Johnny Canuck, Paul Bunyan and Grizzly Adams. During the designer stubble phase, I look to Tom Ford or Hugh Jackman for inspiration.

TSG: When Jay’s documentary comes out will you make a reappearance?

Chopper:  When–and if–the great people of this world make this documentary happen, of course I will make another appearance, but only if the people that made it happen want me to.

TSG: How do the ladies like the beard? Wait, have the ladies met the beard?

Chopper: Do the ladies like the beard? Haha, stupid question. Next.

TSG: Do you intend to go away for awhile and what will be your last act?

Johnny Canuck, inspiration for Chopper's latest maturation

Chopper: I am here for victory purposes and goal setting only. So yes, of course I will be back.

Jay DeMerit’s Beard Chopper, Jay DeMerit, Ranko and Nick are trying to make Jay’s story, “Rise & Shine: The Jay DeMerit Documentary” happen. It’s a story that deserves a wider audience, one beyond even soccer.

You can donate to the cause here. You can join their Facebook page here. TSG was the first to report on the Jay DeMerit documentary.

———-

The trailer

Outakes

Brooding Chopper...

Surprised-that-might-be-a-razor Chopper

Zany Chopper..

Wait, what are you still doing here? Go donate to the Jay DeMerit Story…now!

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6 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by John on 2011/05/18 at 7:16 AM

    YES!

    Reply

  2. Posted by badams on 2011/05/18 at 10:15 AM

    the last pic looks like Vigo the Carpathian from ghostbusters 2.

    Reply

  3. Posted by Jess on 2011/05/18 at 10:57 AM

    Winning.

    Reply

  4. [...] Wisconsin is not known for its soccer stars, but Green Bay apparently produced pro soccer player Jay DeMerit, who plays for the US National Team and Vancouver Whitecaps. He’s not as beardy as Brian Wilson but he’s workin’ on it. [...]

    Reply

  5. [...] we’re not beer snobs at the FBM. Never above drinking a quality, macro-brew. Plus, Jay DeMerit (and his beard) would [...]

    Reply

  6. [...] Yeah, that’s right. His name is Chopper….and it was fascinating. You can that here. LikeBe the first to like this [...]

    Reply

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