Archive for the ‘Match Play-By-Play’ Category

Third place game – Uruguay versus Germany

Does he have enough in the tank to get a goal or two to challenge for the golden boot?

93:00 – WOW. Forlans kick hits the wood work and the game is over. What a great game. Both teams deserving of their final places…Paul is right again! See you tomorrow for the final.

93:00 – Free kick for Uruguay 20 yards from goal.

2 minutes left. Uruguay pressing

88:00 – Boateng is having a great game both defensively and offensively as he initiates  a move that Kiessling had a golden opportunity to score but skies the ball from 10 yards out.

82:00 – GOOOOOOAAALLLL – Khedira heads it in off some rebounds from a corner. Sadly for Uruguay Suarez wasn’t there on the line to punch it out as that was in his wheelhouse. Germany 3 – Uruguay 2

80:00 – Boateng sends in a lovely cross but Kiessling is inches away from connecting. Really hope this goes to penalties.

76:00 – Kiessling entered the game a couple of minutes ago and his first chance.

67:00 – This game is fantastic. So open and great that it’s on ABC.

63:00 – Suarez sends in a howitzer that Butt does well to save (apparently the commentators are pronouncing the keepers name “boot”…sigh).

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Semifinal number 2 – Germany versus Spain

The greatest beneficiary to Ballacks injury, the Pig Boss is finally playing to the abilities everyone expected him to 4 years ago.

Spain versus the freaky deaky Dutch…what a final!


Paul’s streak is still on as he screws the Mannschaft with his long tentacles. We WILL have a new world cup winner.

3 minutes of extra time

89:00 – Torres showing a bit of skill but he’s still missing a step or two…well done Rafa.

86:00 – Tubbs and Crockett seemed to have pipped down a bit after I corrected them on why a play 30 minutes earlier was not offside. Luckily Martin Tyler agreed with me.

85:00 – Pedro off, Silva on.

82:00 – Pedro has a golden chance to make it two – zero as he could have shot or passed to a WIDE OPEN Torres… instead he chose to lose the ball. Torres must be screaming ” I’M NOT THAT COLD”

81:00 – The ladies and the odd man scream with joy as Torres comes on for the divine soul patch.

80:00 – Soothing chants of ole ole from the female contingent of Spanish fans…It’s like the sounds of sirens. Meanwhile Germany pressing forward. It’s actually moments like these when they need Ballack. YUP I said it.

75:00 – Well that was different then Spain’s usual method of attack. It was in the h(air)!

73:00 – GOOOOOOAAAALLLLL. PAU GASOL...I mean Puyol with a thumping header from a Xavi cross. Keeper had no chance. Spain 1 – Germany 0

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Semifinal – The Netherlands versus Uruguay

Quietly the best player in the world!


95:00 – Everyone thinks the game is over but Van Bommel gets a yellow.

94:00 – Nervy times for the Oranje!

92:00 – GOOOAAALLLLL. Its not over till its over! Periera. Uruguay 2 – Dutch 3

88:00 – Back to the Bloody Mary. It had an asparagus in it instead of a string bean or celery. That’s a point for the Phoenix. Unfortunately they are the Uruguay in this competition as Danny Coyles is winning the Bloody Mary off 3-1.

86:00 – RVP intercepts the ball well and lays of to a rushing Robben who brings the ball into the penalty area but his receding hairline tries to be too cute, and he fails to chip Muslera who comes out well.

84:00 – In the possibly the most asinine move of the tournament, Uruguay take of Forlan off and replace him with Fernandes…. please explain!

83:00 – There is no way Muslera is allowed to legally drink in the US. He looks like he is about 7 years old.

78:00 – Bloody mary is much better now that I 1. Doused it in Tabsaco and 2. Drank half of it.

77:00 – If any team can come back its Uruguay. They’re very very good at switching mentalities and will go on the offensive. Problem is…will they get caught out at the back.

73:00 – GOOOAAAAAALL – ROBBEN and his receding hairline heads powerfully home after a great cross from Kuyt. He was unmarked and froze the keeper. Dutch 3 – Uruguay 1

70:00 – GOOOAAAAAL Sneijder. The “best player” in the world sends a slowish dribbler that might have bounced of RVP into the corner of the net. That was not offside as RVP was level. Dutch 2 – Uruguay 1

68:00 – Robben gets a golden chance to go up but his shot is skied over the bar after Muslera punches a rebound

67:00 – Forlan sends a lovely dipping free kick into the bottom corner but Stekelenburg is up to the task and parries it away for a corner.

62:00 – So am the Phoenix who have a lovely bar staff and decent food but their Bloody Mary’s do not compare to those of Danny Coyles. Their saving grace is that they come in a MASSIVE glass which is reminiscent of something from the container store….but I had to add my own tabasco. Also Danny Coyles come with more veggies!

59:00 – The Dutch are not communicating with each other as Van de Vaart as all the time in the world but is tackled fairly from behind. A little  “HEY WATCH OUT” would have helped.

51:00 – Apparently Cavani has an Orthodontist. He flashed his pearly whites due to a no call and showed the world a mouthful of metal.

47:00 – We’re back on and its all tied up. I believe the Dutch are getting more than they bargained for.


47:00 – Sneijder sends a beautiful ball to Kuyt whose diving header goes wide. The idiots in the bar scream for offside not knowing the rules at all. Almost threw my Guinness at them!

41:00 GOOOOAAAAL. FORLAN. Another spectacular long range effort. Stekelenburg could have probably done better but that shot was swerving the whole time. Great power and control by the Atletico forward. Uruguay 1 – Dutch 1

36:00 – Uruguay might be labeled properly as a defensive team but they are remarkable at changing tempos and are now all offense. The dutch are defending well though.

32:00 – I have a feeling this will turn into a bit of a circus of game with at least 1 person being sent off.

28:00 – Well that was a boot to the head for De Zeeuw as a bicycle kick goes awry and he gets a BOOT TO THE FACE! The argy bargy is a result of that kick but unclear why.

27:00 – ARGY BARGY!

22:00 – I don;t think anyone expected that from the 35 year old left back!

18:00 –  GOOOOOOAAAAAALL. GVB (Jon Remucal..sic )the captain with a SPECTACULAR SHOT that sails over everyone and into the back of the net. He was the most surprised person in the stadium! Netherlands 1 – Uruguay 0

17:00 – RVP robs a lazy Pareira but no one is in the box and three defenders close him down quickly.

11:00 – Forlan and Cavini are making intelligent runs but they’re not in sync. They have Suarez to thank for that!

10:00 – Kuyt showing some skill as he rounds 2 Uruguayan defenders and sends in a cross that is skied in the air by a defenseman. Ball comes back to Kuyt whose second cross ends up in Muslera’s hands.

3:00 – Kuyt with volley that sails over the bar. He should have done better as he had time and space but as expected he is everywhere on the pitch. Harkes claims he’s the first person on his team sheet….hmmmmm I would take that Wesley guy first, then that Arjen fellow.

TWEEEEEEEET and Uruguay kick it off.


GVB and Forlan exchanging pennants…i wonder what happens to those.


Odd, a random guy wearing a French jersey in the crowd.


Line ups

Uruguay: 1-Fernando Muslera; 3-Diego Godin, 6-Mauricio Victorino, 5-Walter Gargano, 16-Maximiliano Pereira, 22-Martin Caceres, 15-Diego Perez, 11-Alvaro Pereira, 17-Egidio Arevalo, 7-Edinson Cavani, 10-Diego Forlan.

Netherlands: 1-Maarten Stekelenburg; 12-Khalid Boulahrouz, 3-John Heitinga, 4-Joris Mathijsen, 5-Giovanni van Bronckhorst; 7-Dirk Kuyt, 6-Mark van Bommel, 10-Wesley Sneijder, 14-Demy de Zeeuw, 11-Arjen Robben; 9-Robin van Persie.


Uruguay have done well to get here but haven’t beaten any “big team” to get this far where as the other three have beaten at least one of the traditional footballing powerhouses. Does that even matter?


Well it’s down to 4. Uruguay and Suarez’s new hand of god versus the Oranje Machine. Not your fathers Dutch team but effective none the less.

Quarterfinal – Spain versus Paraguay

Larissa Riquelme said she would run naked through the streets if Paraguay win it all...Go PARAGUAY!

PEEEEEEP PEEEP PEEP and Spain are through.

90:00 – Spain break with a 3-3. Pedro crosses to Villa who traps and shoots but it is masterfully saved by Villar.

88:00 – Casillas fumbles a routine shot and Santa Cruz is there for the rebound and Casillas makes amends by blocking it well.

83:00 – GOOOOOOAAAAAALLL. VILLA. Wow. Iniesta waltzes through the midfield from Iniesta, lays it off to Pedro whose shot hits the post but bounces out to an on rushing Villa, whose shot hits both posts before going in. That was lucky but how exciting. Spain 1 – Paraguay 0

77:00 – I think this game needs to go to penalties…just for fun.

75:00 – Xavi comes close with an outside shot. They need to do more of that. Pedro on for Spain.

73:00 – Internet seems to be singing (way to Jinx myself). Spain need to change it up some. Draw out the defenders with some outside shooting.

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Quarterfinal – Argentina versus Germany

Muller already scored the first goal in three minutes

PEEEEEEP PEEEEP PEEP. Game over. The streets of Buenos Aires are safe from short naked men and Germany were rampant. Can they be beat?

89:00 – GOOOOOOAAAALLL – Klose scores his second. Germany pick them apart for the upteenth time. Cross comes in and Klose takes his time and taps it in. He becomes the second most prolific goal scorer in world cup history, right behind the fat one. Germany 4 – Argentina 0

87:00 – Messi has a shot on goal but it is at Neuer. Not going his way as we all thought might happen.

85:00 – Low looks like he should be in art gallery reviewing the latest work from some post bauhaus hipster.

83:00 – Argentina keep trying but the uphill climb is too steep.

77:00 – Merkel is overjoyed. Love it. Heads of state rooting on their players!

74:00 – GOOOOOOOAAAALLL. Friedrich bundles the ball over as Schweinstieger does all the work ad he dribbles through people and around the Pillars of cement that are masking as Argentine defenders and then lays it off to the defender for his first ever international goal. Germany 3 – Argentina 0

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Quarterfinals – Brazil versus Holland

Not only is he wearing his shirt on backwards but he looks like one of those "girls" men buy. Thanks Kickette!

PEEEEP PEEEP PEEP. Well that’s quite an upset. How many pools are ruined? Brazil’s cockiness were their undoing as the Dutch put in a workmanlike effort mixed in with some great skill and are deserved semi-finalists. Sneijder will challenge Messi as the best player in the world. Maicon who?

3 minutes of extra time

89:00 – Dani Alves calls upon all of creation to supplement him with power but his free kick hits the wall.

88:00 – Kuyt showing that he does possess fine ball skills as he waltzes through the Brazilian defense. A slight hesitation is his undoing as he is finally tackled at the edge of the box.

85:00 – RVP off Huntelaar on

84:00 – A lovely bit of passing and skill from RVP and Sneijder almost makes it 3-1 but Julio Cesar does well to save.

82:00 – Corners from Brazil are giving them opportunities. Some go agonizingly wide.

80:00 – Jubalani 3 – RVP 0

77:00 – Nilmar on, Fabiano off. This is shaping up to be an exciting 13 minutes… SECOND BLOODY MARY DOWN AND DUSTED

76:00 – AWESOME. Ref accidentally pulled out the wrong card but caught himself and apologized. Yellow card to a dutch defender. Should have eaten proper food today.

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Round of 16 – Spain versus Portugal

Can the divine soul patch add to his goal tally

PEEEEEP PEEEP PEEP. Game over. Spain versus paraguay in the last quarter

89:00 – Red card for Costa for an apparent elbow. That was unbelievable acting by Capdevilla. If that isn’t a call for post match cards for diving then I don’t know what is.

87:00 – Llorente beats the offside trap and heads just wide.

85:00 – Spain maintaining insane amounts of ball possession. Ronaldo has been marked out of this game and has been largely ineffective.

77:00 – Villa now has the self belief that he is god and tries an audacious shot from pretty far out. He comes close but Eduardo easily punches clear.

70:00 – Sergio Ramos is released by Xavi and hammers a shot goal bound but Eduardo does well to save. He’s defender everyone!

63:00 – GOOOOAAAALLLL. Villa on his second effort, sends it in the back of the net. A lovely backheel from Xavi releases Villa whose first shot is saved but he gets the rebound and buries it. Spain 1 – Portugal 0

61:00 – Villa then tries his luck from distance but his curling shot is inches wide.

61:00 – Llorente makes an immediate impact by diving for a cross with his head. It’s well saved by Eduardo.

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